Now: 149
Still doing good. Another pound down, as of two days ago. Trying to only weigh once a week. When I was younger, (I'm 34) I used to get pretty obsessed with my weight. It was a sure fire way to make myself crazy. For years now, I've avoided both diets and scales, and haven't been the worse for wear, really. Except about 3 years ago I got weighed at the doctor and topped out at a record 159. So I went to Weight Watchers until I weighed 150. I still drank back then, so it was hard to lose weight. It is hard enough to control what I eat, but back then, I was even less able to control what I drank.
Since I've quit drinking, (through AA, great program) I've been able to get a handle on a lot of other things. I quit smoking four months later, that's been a year and a half ago now. I started really getting a lot more exercise. Hungover, I never felt like doing much. I and my boyfriend, also in recovery, hiked all summer this year. What a difference!
Everyone in my office diets. It's "Atkins that" and "South Beach this" and "Weight Watchers the other" around here. I didn't participate in that sort of thing for so long, for fear of losing it like I did when I was in my early 20s. Now I can, and it's like a nice return to reality. I don't drink too much or do dope any more, and I don't binge and starve like I once did. I, too, can come to work and confess to eating a dessert on Sunday night and exclaim about a new low-carb product discovered. I feel so...normal!
I did eat dessert last night. I had a roommate for a while who lost 40 pounds on a low carb diet, and once a week, on Sunday, she let down her hair and ate what she wanted, within reason. You can't argue with a 40 pound loss. So I did a good, solid week on this diet and then indulged in a wonderful bread pudding made with croissants and peaches and served with mochi ice cream. Outrageous. I'm not sorry.
Still, it's weight I'm not going to lose. I'll never forget one sunny afternoon when a friend remarked that it's too bad AA doesn't let its members have just one beer on a hot day like that one. He so profoundly did not get it, I suddenly realized. It's not AA that doesn't let you do anything. Its alcoholism. For me and millions like me, there's no such thing as one. Maybe I could pull it off once or twice, but soon, I'll be right back where I was. Fat is the same way. I can argue the rules of a diet with myself all I want, but in the end, it's the science of my body that's going to make the rules. I eat at a caloric deficit, especially a low-carb one, I'll lose weight. If not, I'll carry this rather too-lush caboose around indefinitely.
It's funny, I've always questioned whether dieting for vanity's sake wasn't rather more trouble than it was worth. Vanity is not a socially sanctioned concern by the bizarre double standard of society, in which one is supposed to be beautiful, but only effortlessly or by a seemly and healthful and not-immoderate pursuit of exercise and proper nutrition. I tried to tell myself it was for my health but I never really fooled myself. As Anna Quindlen, my favorite columnist besides Ellen Goodman and Molly Ivans, wryly noted, saying that you are dieting for your health is like saying you bought a floor-length mink to stay warm. But Dr. Agatston made a point in the book that was a bit of an epiphany for me. What a wonderful incentive it is for practicing healthy habits, he said, that it improves your appearance. Ah ha! It's for health AND appearance, and that's just fine!
Unfortunately, my exercise routine may be severely disrupted. I injured a finger at the climbing gym yesterday, and it may be a while before I'm climbing normally again. I heard something go pop in there. Doesn't hurt too bad, but these things take a while to heal, I'm told. I tell you, it's tough typing with two of your fingers taped together. We'll see. I'm not too in love with the idea of non-recreational exercise. I'm not historically any good at maintaining it.